The Alchemist and The World of Dreams (Rewrite in Novel Form)

Here we can post our rewrites and edits to compare them X3

It doesn't matter how many times we post up the same thing, and I guess we can make another "topic" for the final draft. Ill start with my version of the Epilogue/chapter 1. whichever it becomes in the end. lol.

Epilogue

"Allen. I don't feel comfortable with you going by yourself. Just wait for me and I'll come with you."

Kalyan's words rang through Allen's thoughts as he stepped up onto the brightly lit stage, distracted from the sound of his friends and fellow troupe members bustling about the small theatre.

He hesitated just beyond the spotlight for a moment, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth. Though it seemed he waited a bit too long because Aldrik crowed up at him from his hiding place behind the curtain.

"Agh! Allen! Hurry it up, man!" his rich baritone tore Allen out of his musings, "We only have two days until the performance. I want at least two full rehearsals until then, so stop dawdling!"

Allen smiled cheekily at his dark skinned friend, noting the way Aldrik was fidgeting with his vest. It was always Aldrik who got the most nervous so close to performances.

"Don't wear yourself out," Allen assured, crossing his arms over his chest confidently, golden eyes sparkling in the spotlight's glare. "I'm not about to botch this play, and you know it. You always worry too much."

He was answered with an annoyed wave of Aldrik's hand.

"If not him, then who else would worry?" teased Josephine, a wicked little nymph of a girl. She playfully elbowed Aldrik as she passed by him with various costumes in her arms, making Allen snigger at her obvious flirting.

Aldrik shot a sidelong glower at her, "I resent that, you imp." Though the expression softened when the freckled girl poked her tongue out at him. Those two had been at it since secondary school and still Aldrik hadn't caught on.

"Alright, you two. Rehearsal time!" Allen reminded them, earning another annoyed look from Aldrik.

"That's what I've been saying, you prat!" He complained, running his hands through dark, locked hair.
"Alright! Just... Everybody in position, yeah? Let's start this thing for goodness' sake!" He looked over at Allen.

"Ready?"

"Of course," Allen smirked and took the final step into the spotlight, looking up into the empty chairs of the theatre. The beginning lines repeated themselves in his head as he waited for his queue. This was he felt at his most complete; on the stage and with the hot lights glaring down on him. It was totally worth defying Kalyan's wishes.

Behind him, Allen could hear the other actors moving about to their places, the backstage workers moving equipment around, Aldrik overlooking every single thing.

But then an unfamiliar bump caught Allen's attention, and he glanced back, only for the glare of the spotlight to hit him directly in the eyes as a frantic curse rang through the room. Disorientation gave way to a sudden burst of pain as something knocked his head violently, and the curses gave way to shouts.

Damn. I should have listened

The last thing Allen knew before the burning white hot light of the light became utter darkness was the sound of his name being called and the sight of maroon eyes looking down at him.


If you think something should be added to it, don't hesitate to change it. I didn't want to manipulate Kalyan too much because it was only the opening sequence/scene. But you can totally manipulate and add things to Allen's actions and stuff. Oh and if you want to change the writing style, thats fine too. Im sure we can agree on a certain writing style in the end. X3

Chapter One


It was a dream that he'd been having for years now. A corridor of colors and objects mixed together; brooding like a muddled concoction and melting into a dank mirror image of an Alchemical potion.

This time he was the dream. With each step he took, the Dreamscape turned in on itself around him and started to shimmer in a charade of golden sunlight similar to the transmutations that Alchemists strived to achieve.

He walked through this, with eyes and hair as golden as the dreamed up colors that one person was thinking about. Or would soon be thinking about.

The colors parted then, opening up to show a cold, dimly lit hospital room, and he stepped through. Like an apparition or ghost, he walked silently towards the man sleeping beside the bed and the one sleeping on it.

Towards himself.

His body lay in the stark white hospital bed his own face appearing as pale and lifeless as the sheets draped over him. He looked more ghost-like in the physical than his consciousness did standing there beside the red haired man that had begun to fall asleep by his side.

"Kalyan," he whispered softly, stopping to stand beside him, reaching a hand out to touch him.

But his hand went right through, and he grit his teeth in frustration.

"Just a few more seconds, Kalyan. Come to sleep... rest for a bit your body at least..."

Because the red haired man needed his rest. He needed his reprieve from studying and searching for a way to bring him back to his body. Trying to find some sort of miracle that would wake him up at last and take him away from this endless dream.

And just like a dream, his hand finally touched Kalyan's shoulder and he smiled softly as he heard his own name slip from the red haired man's lips.

"Allen."

It was a dream that he'd been having for years now. A corridor of colors and objects mixed together; brooding like a muddled concoction and melting into a dank mirror image of an Alchemical potion.

This time he was the dream. With each step he took, the Dreamscape turned in on itself around him and started to shimmer in a charade of golden sunlight similar to the transmutations that Alchemists strive to achieve.

He walked through this, with eyes and hair as golden as the dreamed up colors that one person was thinking about... or would be soon enough.

The colors parted then, opening up to show a cold, dimly lit hospital room, and he stepped through. Like an apparition or ghost, he walked silently towards the man sleeping beside the bed and the second one sleeping on it.

Toward himself.

His body lay in the stark white hospital bed, his own face appearing as pale and lifeless as the sheets draped over him. He looked more ghost-like in his physical body than in his consciousness as he stood there beside the red-haired man, who had begun to fall asleep by his side.

"Kalyan," he whispered softly, stopping to stand beside him, reaching a hand out to touch him.

But his hand went right through the other's body, and he grit his teeth in frustration.

"Just a few more seconds, Kalyan. Come to sleep.... Rest your body for a bit, at least...."

Because the red haired man needed his rest. Kalyan needed some reprieve from studying and searching for a way to bring him back to his body; trying to find some sort of miracle that would wake him up -at last- and take him away from this endless dream.

And, just as in a dream, his hand finally touched Kalyan's shoulder. He smiled softly as he heard his own name slip from the red haired man's lips.

"Allen."

Kalyan separated from his physical body and moved to stand before Allen. He ran his hand down the other's arm and took his hand. He mirrored Allen's smile, and relief filled his eyes. He was always pleased to know that his lover was safe, despite his adventures in the Dream World.

"It's good to see you," he said softly, his gaze flowing along the lines of Allen's Dream-self. "Has everything been going well?"